I am deciding I have a lot of things I need to learn about myself. I have passions that need to be discovered. I have felt lately like I don’t even know who I truly am. Here’s a start in attempting to find myself.
First, I need to think of a few things that I know for sure about myself…
- I’ve grown up with a great family, but I’ve also found a lot of struggle through my family life. My parents got divorced in my freshman year of high school, and my brothers and I don’t exactly have the relationships I would like to have. We get along well, I guess, but I don’t get along with them often enough to not feel stressed when I’m around them.
- My dad is the one person I can always count on to not take for granted our relationship. I know for a fact that he loves me more than anyone else does on this earth, or at least shows it that way best. He is a true living example of the unconditional love that Jesus displays for me, and I am grateful for that.
- I grew up in a wealthy area, but not under wealthy circumstances within my own family. I have learned the hard way how to work for what I want instead of being graciously given what I want all the time. I worked twenty-hour weeks all throughout high school in a job that could’ve paid me a lot more than I got, but I did it anyways because I knew that I needed to learn how to do things for myself. I still struggle with earthly materialism every so often, but I am slowly finding out that money is unimportant and this life is more about relationships with others and giving God glory above all else.
- I went to a great high school, and I did well enough to get into the University of Texas, which is what I consider to be one of my biggest accomplishments. In high school, I took all the AP classes because I wanted to better myself, I joined as many organizations as I could so that I could find out what I enjoyed most, and this is what I found out: Spanish is my favorite class, and Best Buddies and youth group were my favorite organizations. After finding these things out, I have had a passion to go to a South American country to minister to the people there, through studying abroad or through missions. I have also learned that I love helping those who are disabled and leading others toward a life with Christ.
- I’ve had my fair share of bad relationships. I shamelessly pursued girls ever since middle school, and I reaped the consequences of falling to lustful temptations and even to a broken heart. I am slowly learning what it looks like to have a godly relationship with a girl, and I know God is teaching me through every part of it.
- In college, I’ve learned that I have a bad struggle with wanting to please others. I have learned that what I need to worry about most is showing God’s love to others, even if that doesn’t mean being popular or extremely social. Living my own life is becoming a significant realization to me, and I am slowly teaching myself to break free of what the world wants from me.
- Music is something that has kept me sane throughout most of my life, and what’s amazing is that I’m recently discovering ways to use music to glorify Jesus. I play guitar, and though I play a little bit like an amateur, I don’t care. Because I know that God is pleased with me giving my heart to him through song, and when my voice cracks on those high notes, I know that he is pleased with me crying out to him.
- Finally, I have learned over time that one of my biggest goals in life is to be a godly father and role model to my children someday. I know, it seems like I’m going a little too far into the future, but I think every day of how I’m going to raise my children one day how to become godly men, and I feel that God has given me that passion for a reason that I can fulfill it for his glory someday.
These experiences in my life have been put in my life for a reason. I fully believe that God has placed me in these circumstances and given me these abilities and passions because he has a unique purpose for me, and though I don’t exactly know what’s in store for me, I know that he does, and I am choosing to follow him.
I’ll be putting up more posts soon about finding myself. Get excited!
CJ
So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
This post will be dedicated to my dad.
There is so much to say. I can’t thank you enough for being such a loving parent who has helped me to become the man that I am today. You have been loving, you have been patient, and you have always been there for me when times were hard.
Throughout my life, you have taught me constantly how to live life in a godly way. You have been a great role model in your faith in God, and I will always look up to you for that. You taught me how to always have a positive attitude and how to treat others respectfully. You have helped me to enjoy the simpler things in life.
I know that there have been tough times in our family for the past few years, but I hope you know that you are very loved. I want you to know that I trust you with so much of my life, and I couldn’t ask for a better dad.
I love you, and I can’t wait for many more blessed years together.
I thank my God every time I remember you. — Philippians 1:3
Your son,
CJ
